Homesick?

I would say I have not understand the feeling of homesick...till maybe now?

When I first came to UK in 2011, my mom was with me and after she left, we were busy with courses and my beloved seniors organised a lot of gatherings and fun outings.

Went home during Christmas for 3-4 weeks and back again to UK on January 2012. I cried a lot for the first few days to weeks because my last memory of home was mom crying after hugging me at the airport. It really broke my heart but I would not call it homesick because I did not miss home.

I had the chance to return home again 6 months later for 5-6 weeks and coming back to UK was not too bad because I was with a friend. Went to a small town and started my rotation and I did not miss home because I had friends around me all the time. They do make a huge difference.

For the last 3 weeks in this tiny rural place, I have lost the motivation and enjoyment of being in the rotation. I feel annoyed all the time. I don't feel like I'm part of the team and I don't feel like I'm learning anything. This morning, I woke up and felt like having Wantan mee. I really really want it so badly. I thought of getting the ingredients and making it but there is no Chinese/ Asian shop here and Tesco does not have the wantan skin nor wantan noodle. Hence I started googling for pictures etc just to satisfy myself.

My cousin suddenly whatsapped me and I conveniently told her how I am craving for Wantan mee and she was so mean because she replied 'You chose to go overseas ma'. I felt so so angry because it was so unfair for her to say so and I didn't chose to study oversea you bitch. FYI, my mom changed my uni application to overseas instead of letting me completing my clinical years at home.

I was so angry that I told my friend about it and he used the word 'homesick' and that magical word opened the floodgate to my tears.

I guess I am homesick....or maybe it's just PMS?
I don't know...I just feel like having some M'sian food and friends around me to distract me from this feeling.

CNY is round the corner but I'll be alone here with no CNY atmosphere at all. I am at this tiny place with another 2 locals which I enjoy their company but it's different.

I guess I still can't call this place home...