My fellow classmates and friends scattered all around the world have graduated and stepped into the adult world. They have started facing the hardship of the working world, finding new love and settling down while I remain here, the same, stopped in the world called 'Student'.
In another 2 days, I will sit for my finals and hopefully pass this last leg of the race to join the league. But...
Am I done with my student life?
Am I ready to be responsible for others' life/ health?
Am I prepared to see people I become attached to stepped into the afterlife?
Am I brave enough to take risks and change?
Am I?
I don't know and I am not too sure, but I guess I have no choice but to just step up and carry all these uncertainties and move on with life, playing catch up most of the time too.
(If this is the life that I am going to live through, I hope that it would be one that is smooth sailing.)
The future that I foresee will be filled with self doubt, stubbornness, dilemma, fear, worries, stress and maybe an escalation in my partial OCD and mild eating disorder but everything will be fine, yes, it will be fine.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson
Friends, they play a huge part in my life.
When I know that my friends are doing well in life, I sincerely feel happy for them from the bottom of my heart and when things are not going smoothly, I worry and over compensate by doing unnecessary stuff just to try to help, sometimes to even step out from my comfort bubble and sacrifice as much, hoping to just put a smile back to the rightful place.
At such time, I always wonder, is there someone else doing the same thing?
Will I get someone like me around when I am in the gutter?
At the moment, I want to say I have. I think I have but distance just makes everything blur and some people here who I call friends are proving themselves to be people I should not care as much. The evil values from the Pandora's box is practiced strongly here, to the point that I feel disgusted and nauseous thinking about it. But there must be something good in everyone right? And I too, am afraid has been drawn to the dark side a couple of times but self doubt (my greatest gift to myself) came to the rescue and brought me back to the bright side.
I have been let down countless times but thanks to my friends back home and housemates who put up with me, who are kind enough to accept me for me and entertain my stupid-ness, I am still being hopeful. Without them, I am nothing but a ball of anger.
I am not sure what's the point of me writing here but some things are better written down than allowing it to brew in the mind, poisoning and clouding the consciousness.
So let me end this post on a happy note.
It is sunny out there and I should start my revision so...
Things I do at 2.30am to NOT study =P
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