Angry, fuming, disappointed, helpless

I'm back again. New department is not as organised as my previous department. My rota (work schedule) consists of night shift on Monday, post night zero day on Tuesday, day shift on Wednesday, long day shift on Thursday, back to day shift on Friday followed by night shift on Saturday and Sunday again. Its not doing my sleep pattern any good and its making me binge eat.

Anyway, the title of my post is the reason I am here. I rarely talk about my family but this time, I just have to.

My granny had a fall towards the end of CNY. I have a relative (let's name it IT) who works in the medical field. I believe IT recently graduated and should be in the housemanship phase. So, IT felt that everything is fine because quote IT 'granny is standing with minimal support'. Unfortunately granny has been complaining of severe thigh pain and according to my dad, she could not even move her leg due to pain. For the sake of 'family harmony', he felt that bringing granny home will be the best option. Now at this point, granny is still in a lot of pain and Dr. IT has (I presume) 'examined' and give it the all clear. When my dad told me the situation, I strongly suggested an XR to help in determining the cause of the pain eg. Fracture.

My dad brought granny home (traveled 5-6 hours journey) and went to the hospital which showed a fracture on the XR. Sadly, a lay person was there and the only information I got was that there is a broken bone at hip joint. Now, for those of you who are interested, a broken bone at hip joint could represent a lot of things and the most important complication we are (I am) worried is something called avascular necrosis (bone dies due to lack of blood supply).

I am furious because of the attitude of IT who didn't give a shit care on the pain my granny was experiencing. IT even lied to my dad that my granny could walk or stand with little help when my granny was obviously in severe pain (pain is a good sign that something is not right) and was suffering. As a doctor, IT is duty bound to care, examine properly and give a good useful advice instead of ignoring the white elephant in the room. More over, we are talking about family!! Wouldn't you care even a bit?? This is so wrong!! Maybe you'll say that IT is still new as a doctor but isn't it obvious that something is not right when a 80 over year old lady (high chance osteoporosis has set in) had a fall, in severe pain and is not moving the leg. If IT was not sure, sending granny to see a proper doctor ain't that difficult right?

With this kind of attitude, lack of compassion or empathy and NEGLIGENCE, IT is causing more harm than good. IT is a very dangerous doctor and I worry for the patients that are under IT's care. Innocent lives will be sacrificed for the sake of the stupid attitude which is appauling, outrageous and unacceptable!

IT is the annoying brat 'special' child who scored top in class,  gets spoiled and gets all IT's way. I've never liked IT fully and something IT said years ago when I was all alone in the rural Wick with no other Asians around during CNY period was very insensitive and that made me stop talking to IT (only when we face each other). At first I thought I was being bias due to my dislike of IT, but this time, I think it's justifiable to feel this way.

I would love to confront IT, to hear what IT got to say before I pounce on IT but my dad asked me not to say anything, and again, for the sake of 'family harmony'. If I get to do my way, I will not be living in a lie, wearing masks even among people I call family!! I am so disappointed at how things are going. I am also fuming because I am so far away and I can't do much at all. I feel so helpless and that's fueling my anger!!

This situation made me realise a lot of 'doctors' back at home do not possess the quality to care. What they have in mind is money and fame. Why are these people wearing a Dr in front of their name when they even lack the basic human emotions to feel for others, to care, to love and to help. Why are my family members, relatives, friends and their family getting treated by people who call themselves doctor yet fail to even be a human. I blame society and the system. I blame the lack of education (I am not talking about degrees or masters). I blame myself for letting such thing to happen even among my relatives.

I am not saying I am greater or better than IT but I am just so angry at how things turn out. For now, the health and recovery of my granny comes first. The doctor that saw my granny suggested 2 options- surgery or non- operative treatment. My dad opt for the safer and lesser evil option. The doc said it'll take weeks to months before my granny will recover. He is even surprised that she could sit. With lack of physiotherapy, lack of family support and lack of proper early intervention, I doubt it'll take weeks. I'm still so furious! What if granny was sent to seek medical attention earlier? (she would have pain control in place) What if the fracture was treated earlier? (she would recover quicker) What if something worse went wrong (high chance DVT (blood clot) will form followed by PE followed by death). I might be harsh in saying these but seeing death most days, I thought i'm immune to it by now. Truthfully, I was (I stop feeling and forgot how precious life is and how it affects the people around the decease) but I realise it quick enough and now have a soft spot that were never there before.

To readers out there, please do not be in the medical profession if money and fame is your aim in life. Don't think that having the title Dr means you are respected, you'll have a stable job, you'll live happily ever after. Its not that simple, it's never that simple. Also, advice your children, your relatives, cousins, nephews/ nieces or friends that being a doctor ain't easy and it's a long painful journey especially if there is no passion. Please don't force them because of the ignorance most Asian parents have. You are risking the lives of others.