Rubik's cube

I am addicted to it. Just bought the original one from Toy R' Us because accompanied mom to Hartamas shopping complex to meet a friend. On the way home, I managed to solve it but I still can't solve Jay's one because his face is all over, the 8 pieces around the middle piece are of different angle =(

Help me....lol

I got to express....

I am very very worried that I'm gonna fail. No, it's actually a fact. Now when I think about it, I don't think I deserve this holiday to Penang. I am worried sick. What if I failed? What if the result slip/envelope I'm gonna receive will be heavy (because the resit form are all in it). I am just so worried, even at Ballet class just now, I could not concentrate. I keep staring at the mirror thinking how am I going to face myself, my family and my friends?? (My teacher thought I was correcting my routine LOL) I can't accept a fail, I can't!! Especially after all the effort I have put in, I don't think I will ever accept a failure in my life, especially when it comes to studies. I don't want to fail =(

My first disappointing paper that I can still remember was in primary 3 when I got a grade C for my Chinese Language. I still remember I went home and told my dad who was bathing about my result and then I stood outside the bathroom crying. I still can remember clearly that the bathroom door was yellow. Hahahaha...

Well, there were more of such emotions in secondary school of course. Basically I was having this fear of failing any subject since I started form 1 and I think that's how I had this habit of telling people I'll do bad in exam. I guess it sort of makes me thought of the worst scenario before getting the result, so I'll be more prepared if I ever really end up with the worst case scenario. I guess some of you knew that sometimes what I meant as fail was a grade B, I know I set my expectations too high, but this is my way of making myself work harder.

Back in A level, I actually broke down and cried in the toilet after my C3 mock exam because I knew that I lost my grade A. I was seriously sad and down (Karam you remember?) Surprisingly, someone who I never expected came and tried to cheer me up. Guess who? It was CK. Thats how we got sort of close back in semester 1 n 2. This guy is unique in his own way. To some of you maybe he was arrogant but deep down, he is a nice guy. Sadly after A Level, he disappeared and I am guessing he did so to avoid us asking about his result. CK, if you so happen to still read my blog, come out from your hiding place please, Germany or Malaysia!!! By the way, I got the A for that paper =)

Now in university, this fear of failing is so much greater due to the fact that we will get expelled if we fail twice. It's so great that sometimes it suffocates me. I was actually aiming for an A for semester 1 but my hopes did not materialise. Then in semester 2, I worked harder, pushing myself to my limit yet I still lost my grade A for summative 2. Now, for EOS2 I don't want to aim for an A, I just want to aim for a pass. I just want to pass my every first sitting, I don't want to fail, I don't want to =(

"失败是成功之母"

I know, but I just can't accept it!! Call me kiasu, I don't care because this is my life and this is my way of living it. I just want a pass this time, is it too much to ask for? Yes, I lied when I told some of you guys that I am not going to worry about my result for this whole 2 weeks of holiday, sorry but that fear is getting stronger and vibrating in my whole system every second. I am just so scared, I don't want to fail. I know it's useless to be worried sick now but I just can't help it.

Argh, just give me that fail and let's get it over with now!!!! =(


PS: Emo now doesn't mean emo in the afternoon. It's 5.30am now, I think I got to go sleep

hehe

I finally managed to solve one face of the rubik's cube...you wait and see and I'll solve all of it..hehehe
BEFORE
After

CapRicOrn

Yup, the first thing I did besides reading everyone's blog was to officially open Jay's new album-Capricorn (He's birthday-18th Jan)

So I present you--the limited edition metal casing
Ok, now open and see inside ya...
Cool eh~! I was so thrilled that I opened it very slowly and my sis shot me--Jie, why you open so slow, faster la!! =P

The playing cards. Being a non-gambler, I just want it because it comes together with the CD =)
Next I opened the Rubik's cube and before that, I present to you the box...hehe...
So nice right? I know some of you will be jealous but ITS MINE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA XD...
OK, this is the cube which I played last night and I ruin it, now I got to search for a website that teaches us to solve it!!!!
All jumbled up =(

OK, now I shall proceed with my online games and thanks jon for the link to watch those series!!! Thanks a lot but if can, hehe, send some English series too!! Hehehehe, I know...de2 chun4 jin4 che3...LOL (Only Jon and maybe some of you understands BUT I'm sure MJ and Jacq don't..haha)

Got to ENJOY life before 14th Nov!!!!

FREEEEEEEEEEEEeeee

It's 2.07pm...
I just left the exam hall 7 minutes ago and ended up here because I have been resisting myself from blogging for the sake of my EOS2...

Let's not talk about exam/EOS2/Summative2...let's talk about what I should/want/will/plan to do for this 10 worryless days before I face the music---RESULT = FAIL

Ok, what this shall be my list..
1. Meet up as many friends as possible
2. Play as much online game as possible
3. Read as much not-medical-facts books/ comics/ magazines
4. Go out as much as possible
5. Go holidays (Destination in mind--PENANG!!!)
6. Go exercise as much as possible to build up my lost stamina and to burn off all the fats I've gain
7. Sleep as much as possible
8. Watch as much movies as possible
9. Be as crazy as possible (not that I am not already)
10. Play and pamper Spritzer because I have been ignoring him lately
11. Practise my ballet and get back my passion in ballet (EOS sucked out 70% of it from me)
12. Catch up with those juicy stories that I've missed
13. Read Criminal Minds online (I know it's pathetic but I don't know how to download and by the way, it is illegal right?)
14. Listen to Jay's new songs and play with the Jay's rubic's cube!!! This should be 1st but oh well..hehehe
15. Go shopping? (I never like shopping but I can learn ^^)
16. Make birthday gifts for selected friends
17. watch animes that I've missed
18. Just laze around
19. Clean the house (my mom is sooo gonna love this)
20. Lastly, maybe read up my pathology because I suck in it, seriously suck BUT I shall see if I have the time to do so >.<


Something that I never felt before, calmness before exam...
UPSR--was blur and innocent and was very prepared thanks to my dear teachers
PMR--scared, very stressed
SPM--scared, worried, stressed till I have bad stomach ache (the same one like during summative 2)
A Levels--Was OK at first but not for few papers aka Chem, Bio and Further Maths (OK, maybe Maths too so well, practically all the whole exams =P)
Summative 1--OK la, scared but well, Very scared..
Summative 2--scared till shaking before and after exam and had bad stomach cramp
EOS2--calm and feelingless...seriously this is the first time I have such feelings so I am assuming that I'll fail badly this time so Dear juniors from sem1, I'll be joining you guys soon...

OK, regarding the Kenyir Lake trip, I am sooo thrilled but I can't confirm yet, not before 14th Nov so pray hard and hope that I did not fail...

For now, I should go home and sleep and enjoy my remaining days before I finally will admit that I can fail exam papers (as the saying goes, if others can, I can too!! LOL)

Toodles ^^ and PENANG HERE I COME!!!!