Decision?

I've made up my mind to not take exam before reading your comments here.

I was teaching ballet and my mother went and pay fees and she had a talk with my sister's ballet teacher (was my ballet teacher when in children grades) and the Principal and now the Principal will ask MY teacher why I am still not ready for the exam after attending so many classes. I think it's gonna be a big hoo-hah and I don't think I'll like it even a bit.

I realised I've totally gave up on myself when it comes to ballet. These few classes after EOS are so demoralising. Seeing me fail in doing triple pirouettes aka turns is so disappointing. I don't know, I'm so angry and sad and depressed looking at myself at the mirrors.

I always wonder why I don't like to perform. There were so many chances in IMU to perform but I've never took the initiative to join my dancing friends. Not once at all. I guess I'm not cut to be in performing arts, I just don't have it in me.

Reading this, I'm sure you can guess how I'm feeling now. To take exam because of the effort I've put in and since it's so close to the end AND not take exam because I know I'll fail even if I work hard? I don't know if I'll regret this decision one day but for now, I've given up on myself.

Feel so aimless now....

ballet dilemma

It's been a long time since I blog about my ballet life. Now, what I can tell you is I have lost the passion and dedication towards ballet. Ballet is like a routine, something that is a part of my life. When I reduced my classes to twice per week, I felt free and had more time to study.

So I'm having a 10 months break which is a perfect timing for my ballet life since my ballet exam is in Sept or Oct BUT I have no fire to push myself to improve and I suck since I lack practice. If I go in for exam, it is a definite fail and I am serious because my friends who went in last year and are waaayyyy better than me FAIL!!! Even my ballet teacher said I'm taking exam because I NEED to since I won't have the chance next year.

Reasons

Not to take exam
1. I suck and 3 months to train is not enough
2. I've lost the passion and fire
3. I don't see the reason of finishing this ballet route (this is my last grade in ballet)
4. The exam fee is RM 840!!! If I fail, it means I'll be wasting that much of a money
5. If I don't take exam, I'll stop ballet and I have more time to do other stuff like travel and take up other classes (sign language etc)
6. Don't need to waste money on monthly fee which costs RM 540 per month!!
7. Don't need to stress my ballet teacher


To take exam
1. It is the last grade in my ballet life and when I think back, I might not regret
2. Satisfy the "perfect record" in my head (but if I fail, it won't be perfect right?)
3. Don't waste all the previous ballet monthly fees and effort
4. Don't disappoint my ballet teacher by quiting half way when it's so close to the end even though I know I will fail?

If you were me, what will you do??

Hachiko: A Dog's Story

While typing this, my eyes are kinda swollen and watery. I can't stop myself from tearing when the movies involve dogs, owners and death.

I just finished watching Hachiko: A Dog's Story.



It's about this dog, Hachiko, found in a train station when it was a puppy and grew up following his master to the train station everyday. Even after the master died, he still went to the same spot to wait for his master and it lasted for 9 years. THIS IS A TRUE STORY.


This is Hachikō, the real dog. He's a Akita Inu breed. I was tempted to get this breed at Desa Park City last year because there was 2 of it on sale but thinking of Spritz and his possessiveness and ego behaviour, I thought it would be a bad idea. More over, I love Spritz very very much.

From wiki: Due to his faithfulness to his master's memory impressed the people of Japan as a spirit of family loyalty all should strive to achieve. Teachers and parents used Hachikō's vigil as an example for children to follow. A well-known Japanese artist rendered a sculpture of the dog, and throughout the country a new awareness of the Akita breed grew. Eventually, Hachiko's legendary faithfulness became a national symbol of loyalty.

The statue of Hachiko at Shibuya station


They even kept his remains in National Science Museum Of Japan.


See how cute Richard Gere and Hachiko!!

After watching the movie, I can't stand not playing with Spritz. I'm sure I'll cry myself to bed for at least a week when I'm at PMS school. Gosh, I'm so lucky to have the chance to have a pet dog. Thanks a lot bro for saving him =)

Glee & tears

I've started watching Glee after my OSPE aka 2nd day of exam and I love the songs, not a fan of the dramas and scandals though. I always have tears in my eyes when I hear and see them sing especially in episode 11 (Hairography) when the deaf club sang "Imagine". My tears just couldn't stop.

Another thing that causes me to tear up is my yearbook. Reading my batch rep Kor Woi's speech just makes me miss my batch so much. Reading their profiles and the messages they wrote to me are just so touching, funny and brings back so much happy memories. I miss my batch suddenly. My mother was looking through it and she loves it too. Gosh, can't believe that I actually have feelings after all these 2.5 years spent in the library.

Family = Love

1 week before my exam, I woke up at 6am on a Monday (my sleeping time is so screwed up) so I panic because I know the next train would be pack like sardine!! So I hurried and washed up and woke my dad up to quickly fetch me to KTM station but my dad took his own sweet time then told me "I'll fetch you down to PWTC, don't worry. Go take your breakfast."

I was touched because my dad is a very money-minded man hence when it comes to car, he'll be thinking about petrol and $$ so I was surprised by his actions. Thankfully, I reached uni just in time (before the library opens).

The next day, he and my mother told me "Jene, you need to relax and take care of your health. Exam is coming soon. We never give you stress in your studies so why are you so stressed out? If you have any problem, we're here to support you so don't worry and stressed out OK." I was speechless, touched and felt love. Since then, Family means something to me.

Since young I was very independent and family didn't really mean anything to me (reminds me if Lilo ans Stitch). You see, when I was young both my parents were working and I was sent to a daycare at FRIM (that's why I could speak BM fluently when I was young as the daycare was 99% Malay kids). So I practically grew up alone even though I have a brother. [Well, my brother was worse off because he stayed at home by himself after school and took care of himself.] That's why, I always believed that I can survive with or without a family. But after hearing what my parents said, I was really really touch and was really really happy that I have this people as my family =)

Before that incident, I can confidently tell you I won't miss home at all when I fly off. Now, I don't think I can say it. After knowing my EOS5 result, I'll have another 10 months to fill. Hope I won't get too attached to them so I won't suffer that much =P

PS: Prince of Persia was WOW!!!!! Go watch it!!