Surprise...good or bad?

I'm not a big fan of big surprises.

Yes, I do admit I do like it but when my mind is blown, I react the opposite of expected or normal.

So what happened yesterday morning that made me stunned, shocked, angry, annoyed yet at the same time happy, delighted and shy was this.

OMG!!!

After signing for it, I put it down on the doorway and just starred at it for a wee while, maybe longer than a wee while.

Then I transferred it to my room, shut my door, sat on my bed and starred at it for ever more.

Speechless.

As I was in the middle of something before the knock on the door and this unexpected turn of event, I decided since I can't cope with this, I will ignore it and continue with whatever I was doing and my life,

After finishing and getting distracted by the box from the corner of my eyes , I braved myself and opened the box.

OMG for the second time!!!

What the hell!!!!
Disbelief!!!

After calming myself, I searched for a card or a clue from whom is this from but I got a message on my phone instead. A friend from home decided that money can be spared and can we wasted on worthless people like me sent it as a belated birthday gift since I was not at home on my actual birthday.

After much drama, I left house for lunch and to get away from it, to have some fresh air and tea to calm the nerves.

After 5 hours, I went home and had a good chat and catch up session with my uni mate from home who was telling me all the suffering and torture working back at home. Warnings and multiple advises have been issued and I have been verbally banned from going home for work.

Then I did what other normal people will do. I felt happy and appreciated the sincerity of this amazing friendship. Thanks and words of appreciation replaced those harsh stupid, ungrateful emotional words that were shot out earlier without processing thoroughly through the frontal cortex if I have one to begin with.

Anyway, transferred the bouquet into a vase and had a good chat with my housemate who was bothered with his phone (technology *roll eyes*) issues.

I had another amazing 1-week-later-belated-birthday day.

I really felt blessed and gratified for having such amazing great wonderful caring people in my life.

Thank you so very much =)

Amazing birthday celebration

Well if you have been following my blog, you'll kinda get the gist that I am not good in birthdays or celebrations. Ever since I came to UK, my birthday celebration, or no celebration has been something I got used to. To me, if there is just someone that actually remembers it, I will feel so happy. If there is a celebration, it'll be a bonus.

This year, I had a great, amazing, fabulous, mind-blown birthday!!

I met up with my 2 ex-housemates and we went visiting England together and had our (belated) birthday celebrations. It was really nice and I was so elated =)

After exam, went for a 2 days course which was really fun!
Then off to meet up with 1 ex-housemate at Glasgow where I finally had a taste of good Asian cooked curry. Next, we went to Lancaster to meet up with the last ex-housemate.

The 3 of us meeting up was really something I never dreamed of or something that will happen in reality. To be able to be in the same room, breathing the same air, talking, teasing, laughing together and catching up was so surreal. I couldn't believe that it was happening. (cue for tears)

The next morning, we went to Liverpool and oh ya, it was my birthday too. The suite that we stayed in was WOW!! Seriously WOW and luxurious expensive too but it's worth it!! And for the first time after a long time, I got myself something expensive as a present. To be honest, it was something like a memorabilia for this amazing trip. Oh ya, we had tonnes of coffees and cakes too.

Then we went our separate ways. I went to Manchester to catch up with another friend who came all the way from Aussie then I nearly couldn't catch the train went to Chester and met up with the 2 of them again. The thought that 2 of them had some bonding session without me really made me giggle like a silly person =)

Chester is a really nice town and after a night of boring horror movie with ciders, we bid it goodbye to travel to Windemere. Lake district is beautiful and after hours of feeling sick in the tour van, we bid goodbye to each other for real this time. It was sad but all good things must come to an end.

I stayed overnight at Glasgow and we just lazed around watching TV and having our favourite food- Indomie =P

Back to Aberdeen, the house was cold and dark (current housemate was on night shift) and I felt so lonely. It was not a great feeling but it passed very quickly because the house was dir-to-the-ty. Oh gosh!

Anyway, I am thankful, glad and very appreciative to have such amazing ex- housemates who were so patient and so tolerant with me. Being together for 5-6 nights without any tension really showed how comfortable we are with each other after 2 years of staying together. The laughter, the lame jokes, the ninja style selfies, the inside jokes, the trust among us is really something that is so difficult to re-create with anyone else. For the first time, I didn't count or care how many wishes I got this year too!

Thank you for everything, I miss you guys already =/
I wonder if such trip can happen again?

Sad day

Just got news that one of my patient who was transferred from CCU to ward died yesterday. It has been a long battle, RIP

Then I found out the pt who's DNACPR form was signed by me last Sunday before my 4 days off, died the next day. Haven't found out what happened and how he passed on but it's so sad. At least he's not suffering anymore.

2 deaths when I'm not on, I don't know it's a good thing or not. It's either I'm holding on to them for too long, prolonging their suffering or it's just their time to go.

But isn't it kinda coincidental that they both died when I'm not there? Maybe I am thinking too much =/

One of my friend's status on FB today
'When your patient you've worked so hard to keep alive for 2 months tells you he'd rather die, it suddenly puts everything we do into perspective. Health is so little about being alive, but having life. Something we do so poorly sometimes.'

Really reflects today's news =/

RIP

Amazing day =)

Today has been amazing.

Yesterday was crap.

So lets talk about yesterday. I felt crap because I have been working everyday since early August and only had 2 weekends off. Then on the weekend, I have to cover CCU, Cardiology ward, Renal ward and other wards that have cardio or renal patients. Running all around hospital is not fun. Other than that, I helped the junior file and chased all 30 pts notes and bloods. Never swore and grumble that much in my head before.

So today my day started with the notorious consultant being alright with me and he even signed my form that he didn't need to sign (I needed to get my educational sup to sign for me but he is off). Then I had a crash bleep, to run to A+E resus. A guy had cardiac arrest at home and is being flew over by the chopper. As as soon as he arrived, we were all over him, and he was unwell, really unwell. I did a cannula and bloods then ABG on him. In emergency situation, I did not realise that I was bleeding. It was when I saw my glove was stained with blood, inside out that I realise that I scratch myself with the needle and I think, stab myself at my finger prior to the ABG.

I helped the ITU consultant who's also a surgeon prepare arterial line and central line stuff and after the whole ordeal, he approached me and thanked me personally for helping. Wow.

Next, I signed my first ever DNACPR. One of my favourite pt is dying. It pained me to see the family members crying around him and to see him looking off colours =(

Then the nurses also told one of the anaesthetist that although they don't say it, I am very good (*shy*)
It is difficult to please the nurses and reg at the same time but I guess I found the right way.

Officially finish at 5pm but only left at 6pm, typical, nothing new. I have been leaving the hosp at least one hour late. Anyway, left hosp feeling great because the sun was shinning and it was warm. It has been raining and dark when I left hosp for the past few weeks.

Overall, it was a good end to my August day shifts, next, I'm only working 8 nights in Sept. Then back to working almost everyday (again) in Oct.

New start

It's been a while since I ranted. Maybe because I've been ranting to my housemates, well now ex-housemates, so here I am back again.

I've progressed to a new department, with a new title, with more responsibility and more stress. What irks me the most is the working hours.

Let's start systematically.

1. I rather start early (since I am awake by 5ish 6am anyway) and finish early. This whole 9am-9.30pm crap is just so annoying. Worse is when your colleague doesn't appear at 9pm for the handover and I end up leaving work almost 10pm feeling so annoyed and angry and I'll be grumbling to myself like some crazy person having hallucination while walking home.

2. The department is so disorganised! Let me break it down- There's 2 places that I need to cover. A is for pts who are more unwell and sick whereas B is for more stable pts but with a problem that needs to be addressed.

So B is super super disorganised because there's just too many pts to care for and there is lack of staff and support from seniors. I am expected to lead the ward round for half of the ward and there's always pressure for beds for new admissions so I ended up choosing pts to be decanted (transfer to another ward so that the new admission have beds) or discharged. When the pts ask difficult questions, I feel so stupid and guilty for the inability to answer them correctly, I could only guess and reassure them. When there's decanted pts, I'll need to keep track of them and walk around the whole hosp to see them and to have a plan for them.

A is a place where pts are properly sick. I'll be holding the crash bleep too so when the bleep starts talking and telling me which ward to go to, I'll need to carry the mega huge bag filled with drugs and defib to the ward and go through ABC +/- shock them. Part of the job includes reviewing ECGs sent in by the paramedics or GPs to be reviewed and direct them to appropriate place, be it B or A&E or AMIA etc.

I have been working in A this past week and it's been alright because the nurses who has been there forever has been guiding me and giving me tips. Seniors are just a phone call away too. But today the nurses were different and not that nice, started giving me hard time and ranting to me for the inappropriate referrals that the reg accepted. What do you want me to do, he's the reg and he's been pressurised too by that other department consultant who has way more experience than any of us and insisted that her pt have to come to our ward instead. Oh well... my colleague who has been working in B for the past week has been so stressed and she told me she's been crying when she got home =/

3. I really hate joining the ward round in the middle of it. The reg and consultant starts the ward round before 9am and they do not expect me to come early so I'll need to check what they wrote in the notes to catch up with the jobs. Hate the working hours, refer to 1.

4. After 5pm on a weekend and nights, I need to cover another ward which has tonnes of sick pts too. The sheer thought of it is just so scary since I don't know any of them and they're circumstances such as if they are fluid restricted or for transplant etc.

5. I have no time to study for my coming exam. Coming home at 10 ish pm feeling angry and tired is not ideal. Refer to 1 again!


But on a brighter note, I get my jobs done and it's so easy to get people to review my pts (maybe because pts are sick). And it's the weekend!!! It's the first of my 2 weekends where I am not working =)
Oh, and my new housemate is alright too =)

Well there goes my first rant, there will be more since I am starting on B next week. I will cross that bridge when I get there, in the meantime, I should sleep soon but I have to study too..hmm...should get my priorities right...SLEEP indeed =P