left out

If you want to feel left out, just be me in my campus or be me. My group members always leave me out in their activities because I don't stay at the hostels. They usually have dinner together and sometimes gather at one of the group mate's house having fun. Me? At home.

Today is Esther's birthday (Happy Birthday ESTHER!!!) and they had a small gathering and wrote messages on a big huge card for her. I did not know about it and no one told me. When I found out, it was already 1pm and it was Esther who told me and later gave me a pen to add my message. =(

OK, maybe this is a small issue because they stay at the hostels together and I can't join them till late night so they save some credit and did not inform me. Never mind but what hurts me most is this 1 small matter. Each of us need to log into the computer with our own student ID and they supply each of us RM10 for the printing job (we print our own notes). So when we run out of $$, we need to top up. Hence, my group members (they planned without me)have this agreement where everyone take turns to print 1 week's lecture notes and photocopy for the others. Never once did the leader remembered me. Every time they photostate and I asked if there's my share, the leader will go ~ OH!! Sorry, I forgot bout you. Sorry sorry sorry~~

Its sort of sad because I don't really have a big gang of friends like during college or high school. I don't really like to be alone and I am now often alone or hanging out with my group members (which was from 20 people to a mere 4, the others found their own clique of friends) but feeling left out. They tend to talk about the past night activities they had together without me and I'll go blur and it's weird to be the quiet one in a group. I hate that feeling!!!!!

Come to think of it, I actually don't really have a gang of friends that I can really hang out with. I know I might be the problem but it's just feel weird. Primary school I had YP, form 1 I had a REAL GANG of friends, form 2 and 3 I hung out with Jayne and SY (band members), form 4 and 5 I did not really had time to hang out with any friends since I'll be on duty during recess and I was never close to any prefect board members (I was forced into it remember?). College life? To be honest, we only had lunch together and rest of the time, Kelly, Edmund and gang will be hanging out while I'll be with Karam. Biology class? Not really close too because we were all in different class and under different lecturer.

Gosh, I always thought that I have tonnes of friends that I can hang out or clique with anytime. Now, I've realised I was just lying to myself. Sad sad life.....

Emo now, so don't disturb me.