scared and stressed

Today the semester 2 seniors got their EOS (end of semester) exam result. Before that, my batch rep announced that the club "campus friend" where seniors sort of give tutoring is giving tips and hints on what to focus and expect in exam. So there I was kiasu and all(I am not a member by the way), attended and joined in because it was opened for all.

Started well because they started with the chapter which I just finished studying, then slowly it went to chapters which I studies few days or a week ago then to the chapters which I haven really touch yet. There and then, panic strike and I was so scared and stressed and my spelling for all the jargon's words were WRONG!! I was really terrified especially when every senior that came in after receiving their result eventually told us things like "study hard and don't regret", "if you slack some more you will fail" and stuff like that. One of them even came in and was in a very sad tone telling us that his best friend failed.

Later we got to know that about 60 students failed, means they might get expelled!! Now, yours truly here is prepared to get expelled but honestly I don't want to. I was really scared and stressed and disappointed because what I studied before, all was in the waste bin, nothing came back even when the seniors were telling the important keywords. SAD!!!! =(

After the 2 hours of cortisol (stress hormone) pumping (that session lasted that long), I went straight to the library and started studying and going back to all the previous notes. Panic again and suddenly the guy sitting beside me(I was in the cubicle) asked me how was the tutoring session. He was a semester 3 student. Then the gal sitting beside me on my left also asked and she was in semester 5. After both of them sort of got my answer, they were jokingly saying that I am the future "A" student because I am still in the library at that hour. They even added that both of them are still there because they need to study for EOS3 and 5 respectively while I am just sitting for summative 1 where we will not get expelled even if we fail. Only EOS exam will get you expelled when fail.

At that moment when they said such things, my heart drop a thousand meter down and I was really feeling the ultimate stress. Yes I know they are just joking and sort of motivating me but all those words carry a heavy meaning and responsibility and by telling those stuff, I really freaked out and wanted to cry but in the end I just smiled and said "No I wont" and continue scrolling through my notes. Getting the hint they continue studying too.

I am just so scared and stressed out. Will I fail? Ya, they were also discussing about this smart guy who got A- for both summative 1 and 2 but got a C- for EOS2 and overall, he got a C-. C is the passing grade, anything below it is FAIL!!!! OMG, what will my future hold for me??