life is meaningless

There's nothing to look forward now and I wonder how my other college friends are coping. Its like ever morning when I wake up, I couldn't find any reason to stay awake. Hence, I'll go back and doze off again. I hate my life now. Even though I hated my stressful and busy life when in A Level, I sort of adapted to cope with it. But now, life is so meaningless. I totally despise my life now.

Well, some of my friends are traveling around the world, some are working and some are like me waiting for the start of university life. Honestly, I'm quite afraid to step to this other phrase of life. It's so alien and I hate to step out from my comfort zone. Coming to A level was not so bad I guess because I did not have the time to think as I was busy with work and stuff like that. Now, I'm so lazy and so free that I think I'm starting to hallucinate.

University life is different from A Level because the lectures will be held in a real lecture hall and there'll be about hundreds of students. I do not think there will be time for me to find the right clique of friends in this big wide sea of smart intelligent students. Kelly was nice enough to introduce her friend who so happen to be in the same batch as me. And so coincidentally she's a ASEAN scholarship holder and was a state representative in chess. And not forgetting, a straight A student. So intimidated.

Last night, I keep remembering all the things my kakak and I used to do together. I miss her so much. It has been 5 years since she left me, the exact date 6th of Oct 2003. I wonder where is she. I wonder how is she. I wonder did she come back to Malaysia. I wonder how many kids she had now. I miss her so much. *sob