I guess....

"For Once In My Life"

For once in my life
I've got someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once unafraid
I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I'll be strong
For once I can touch
What my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Could make my dream come true
For once in my life
I won't let sorrow hurt me
Not like it's hurt me before
For once I have someone
I know won't desert me
I'm not alone anymore
For once I can say
This is mine, you can't take it
As long as I know I've got love
I can make it
For once in my life
I've got someone who needs me

By Micheal Buble

I am so hooked to this song thanks to Wan hoe.



Anyway, life goes on like usual after the 3 long weeks of orientation. Feeling different because a sudden change of time table. Usually after class, group members will gather and either have meetings, practices or hang out in someone's apartment. Now, after class I have no where to go and nothing to busy about. I hate to admit this but I sort of miss those days we gathered and had fun together. I am now in the process of settling down to this new environment of 8 to 10am class then self study all the way. But just moments ago, group members asked me to stay overnight at their apartment because they plan to hang out by the pool tonight just for fun. Too bad I'm having ballet class at 7.30am.

Ya, I'm sure most of you do not know some dark secrets of mine. Now, I'm feeling a little generous. Let me share something from my past that came back to disturb me last week.

When I was in secondary school after being a prefect, someone named J was always hanging out at the place I was on duty. I did not notice it until some juniors told me that she has been staring at me all the time. Creepy for sure and J being a girl makes it even more scarier. I thought maybe I offended her or her boyfriend, hence I went up to her for a quick chat.

When I approached her, she was smiling and all her other friends started to back away. Her smile was not those "finally-revenge" type of smile but was a "on cloud nine" type of smile. What I found out from her was, she likes me. EEUUWWW!!! Yes, I actually make it very clear with her maybe she is just interested in making friends but she said she knows her feelings and she is not going to hide it.

I totally freak out and asked the person in charged to let me duty at a new place. I thought it was the end of it but somehow, some smarty pants gave her my phone number and since then she started to call almost everyday and we'll end up in silence. I told her off many many times and tried to pull her back to track like introduce guys to her but to no avail, she was still "weird". Every time she calls, I'll pick up the phone, tell her I am busy and slam the phone. In my dreams I'll slam it down but in reality I just put it down.

This "relationship" lasted till even after SPM. I was actually used to her existence and she was like part of my life, everyday calling me and telling me about her life in class, reporting to me some illegal activities in class (now you know why sport check are so sudden) and sharing her family problems. It was like having a new sister, but to her, it was like having me as a "girlfriend". Anyway, some time after SPM, I told her that I want her to move on and find someone new. I actually even lied to her I have a boyfriend. Maybe you'll be asking why didn't I lie to her earlier, well because she can ask anything in school and keep track on my life. Now, out of school and away from her, she can't prove me wrong.

She finally did let go of me and I lead my life like how I wanted it-normal. But last week, suddenly she called and I was shocked. She started off with telling me about our old stuff, things we talked about, things we joked about and all. She continually called me for a week and hinting me that she misses me all. EEUUWW!!

Thank goodness, after much persuasion she finally let the cat out of the bag. She said she found someone new and she wants to just let me know. She is such a bad girl for torturing me for a week thinking that she's back!! To her, this is revenge because I hurt her. She still haven't know that I was single when I told her that lie. Ssshhhh....

Now, what I can say is, I hope she'll turn back normal and lead a happy life. Even if she continues to be 'ahem', I hope she finds a nice and someone that would loves her back sincerely. Its not a crime that she finds the same gender attractive, its not her fault that the people she fell for doesn't share the same feelings, its not wrong to love someone.

I guess, the world has been changing in some new direction that would lead to more changes in the future. Peace ^^

Ps: Do not ask me who J is.